i have so much thinking going on in my mind after council camp.

Initially I really didn't like the idea of having a council camp suddenly, especially since in this busy week, lack of sleep, tons of work, I have to miss lessons and stuff :X just to go for a council camp when we have already stepped down. But I am now really glad that this camp happened because it set me thinking about many many things.

This camp not only brought me closer to batch 10 but also batch 09.

I would say I'm a very reserved person. A lot of people who talk to me think I'm serious and no fun kind of person, so a conversation with me will probably end up with something philosophical o.o, just not the kind you get when you talk to people like pam or sam etc. I'm trying very hard to change that, like having more self-confidence or daring to just step out of my comfort zone sometimes and be myself. I usually like staying on the safe side so I dont express much of what I think or feel, and it's very tough for me to get close to anyone unless over a long period of time.

I find it very hard to click with people sometimes.

Back to council, with Batch 09 I'm quite comforatble since we have many many common experiences already. But i think the greatest regret of my council experience is failing to establish a good senior-junior relationship with Batch 10. Seriously I'm not very close to Batch 10 nor understand them very well except with a rare few. Being a secretary, I don't know if it was right in the first place for me to be in this position. I was quite happy at first, honestly, being trusted a position in ace.

Secretary is mostly paper work. I have no committee. And sadly, CIA had very few projects for me to work with the juniors. And sometimes I think what dileen said was true, I just lost the passion in Council and I wasn't actively participating or anything. I'm very quiet yes, and I really didn't do my part as an ACE member well. I've been telling esther quite a few times not to repeat the mistakes I made as a sec this year.

But council has been a magical experience, on a flipside. It has taught me so much how to open up and speak up and learn from others especially. People who have inspired me greatly were like batch 08 hern hern, how she coudl always be so confident of herself and impress others, alicia, her speeches are awesome and just the way she commands the respect of the council, it's quite impressive. Siming also, (if you're reading this :D) cause you always have ways to talk to people and you take so much initiative and you're so observant sometimes it's really scary.

I've learnt so much from others and this is what I'm really happy about being in Council. But sometimes I do feel a little disappointed with myself, since I always strive for the most perfect and most excellent, and I wasn't able to feel any satisfaction in my own performance. I have had my own share of turbulent times throughout the two years in council. I have doubted in my own ability sometimes, felt so much like quitting and felt so disappointed sometimes.

If i were to do it again, I would have been involved in Council a lot more.

At the end of it all, I cried. Perhaps it's because things are going to change after this camp, a huge part of my life is going to change. But I'm still quite happy to be part of Batch 09 and part of NYSC. The take-aways are almost life-changning.

Thank you to those who have inspired me so much.

I think in JC I would want to join choir, mostly cause I really miss the feeling of singing and being part of the choir. And I will want to be a better leader in the CCA because I have been inspired so much I think I would want to be an influence and make a difference.

Actually talking to so many juniors during the camp has influenced me one way or another. Our juniors are really very capable, some even inspiring in their own ways, and how optimistic they were throughout the camp, supportive. Batch 10, all the best(:

last thing i would like to add that is, I'm very proud that today I persisted throughout the entire run. I really thought for a long time if I should run or just succumb to the temptation of relaxing and taking a cab there. I've been pondering it over such a long time, even to the extent of using google earth to check the distance (like alicia did too o.o i was surprised). Even this morning, iris, shiyun asking me, and I was indecisive. It's almost like in previous camps when I was on the verge of giving up during PT, that kind of struggle between endurance and choosing the cowardly way of giving up. But I was happy I chose to run, and finished the entire stretch without hesitation.

This is such a terrible long post, but I feel good now that I have expressed what I have been thinking about since we parted two hours ago.