i really feel like posting something but i guess i shouldn't, and I'm feeling very irritated about it, or rather, have been.

something else i need to say,

From today onwards if i ever ignore convos or calls or smses, I'm not trying to be really guai and start mugging or anything, it's just that you guys have to know you didn't miss lessons like I have for incredible no. of times like SAP seminar, choir and elections. You didn't have such a busy CCA schedule since June till now plus all lunches booked in a few weeks consecutively due to various reasons. You don't have an upcoming concert just a few days before blocks to work for. And I know there are so many others like me who are worried about blocks due to CCA, and that's why I understand when people talk to me about it. i love cca now for all the people(:

But I'm not pro. I'm not trying to be humble. People have very high expectations of me which I cannot fail sometimes. And I myself don't allow myself to fail too. Yes sometimes I ask myself why not relax and not care and take things easy, it's just the way I am. I get very paranoid over deadlines and exams and work, I cannot stand people who don't and it's quite irritating sometimes. For someone who has been so busy for a long period of time, I treasure time a lot. I feel very guilty when I don't spend it wisely, especially over a weekends. And so I cannot help to feel envious, or a little irritated sometimes when people can spend an entire afternoon enjoying themselves and not working. I don't have that luxury because a rare free afternoon only comes once in a month or so.

And please do not have any more expectations of me because I'm not intelligent nor a guai kia nor any other stereotype that you have of me. I'm just a regular person like you just that I know I work very hard, force myself to succeed in everything that I can and have expectations which I have to meet. this has been so since young. it's very stressful though and it's hard to find someone who understands how I feel sometimes.

if I don't do well this time, I won't be stressed or upset because I have tried my best. This period of time has been a real challenge for me. That's why after every week I will be super relieved that I survive a week.

and i feel much better now(:

thank you for listening.